VENT.

I don’t care if no-one reads this but I need to have a little vent or just emotional spillage.

Yet again, I find myself having a life crisis so I’ll probably cry after posting this or have an anxiety attack but oh well.

Better out than in.

3 months on and I can’t seem to stop wallowing in disappointment because I allowed Mr One to see me as vulnerable which I work so hard to not be.be. My naivety during the whole situation is making me miserable and I don’t want to become bitter.

One of my bestest friends and sister have both started dating new guys and whilst I’m happy for them, I’m jealous of the fact that I can’t seem to move on from this shitty experience and just sleep around, hoe it up or talk to other guys without being cynical of EVERY man I talk to.

I feel like he has a hold over me and my body because he’s the only guy I’ve 2done anything sexual with.

Maybe it just’s in my head and this is anxiety speaking but I haven’t felt right or been my normal self since breaking up with Mr One.

  • What he said to me, HAS got to me
  • How he spoke to me, HAS got to me
  • How I acted throughout this experience (like a damn fool) HAS got to me

My first foray into men, potential relationships and sex has left me emotionally scarred and I wasn’t even cheated on.

God, I’m probably just being dramatic.

He chipped at my personal wall of protection, self love, self assurance and left cracks.

Now I don’t know how to rebuild that wall or fix myself.

What’s even is worse is that whilst this was the first time a relationship/fling/situationship has left me feeling this way, it DEFINITELY wont be the last.

One positive thing I decided to do for myself is to rejoin the gym, to help with my depression and self-esteem. Hopefully that will help me return my body image back to 100%.

My eyes are burning with tears that I refuse to let out.
I will not cry over this guy or my own stupidity.

Sigh.

I will get through this.

Deja Rose xo

(p.s The Virgin Chronicles…. part 13 coming soon)

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4 thoughts on “VENT.

  1. Yesss Hun you will! I really felt what you said about your sister and friend being in relationships. My younger sister moved in with her boyfriend, they got a puppy they travel on holiday meanwhile I’m out here constantly getting ghosted/ignored by every guy I try to date and yes it hurts when you put yourself out there and allow yourself to be vulnerable (which I hate too) but I’ve realised there’s always another guy around the corner… even if in my experience the end result is the same 😩🤦🏽‍♀️ You’ll get over it, but until then girl have a cry and enjoy, that’s what my crazy ass does on the regular under the covers listening to sad music and you know? It feels good to let it out ❤️❤️ One day we’ll both have our Princes👑

    Like

    1. This is so sweet! ❤️ Thank you for this! It’s made me teary eyed 😂❤️ I’m just so disappointed in myself, I’d rather be heartbroken in all honesty. Disappointment is so much worse. I never ever seem or come across as vulnerable since I have such a guard up and the fact that I did for once and got taken for an idiot makes it worse 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ I’ll get over it, I always do, I just wish I can hurry it up 😭

      Liked by 1 person

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