I was bit stuck for what this update would be about seeing as my life has been pretty stagnant for while with work and career decisions getting in the way so I decided that I would do post on how I got into this virginal predicament, and just how much of a virgin I really am.
As mentioned in part one, I am 20 years old and I really want to lose my virginity.
The sooner the better really, I would have liked to develop my skill’s sexually so that I can be confident in them, if I do ever decide to enter relationship with someone.
What I haven’t mentioned before is that I have probably had the chance to have sex in a previous short lived relationship when I was 18 (I think?).
I have already blogged about this guy and I did say that whilst I wasn’t really all that attracted to him physically, he was such a genuinely nice guy that I could have slept with him and not regretted it.
Also the fact that I have a gut feeling that his dick is the length of my arm so I definitely missed out there.
Back to the missed opportunity.
I was still getting used to being around this guy (we’ll call him Voldermort) and the fact that he was now a part of life. Voldermort was after all the closest I had come to a penis partner.
So one time I was round his watching a movie and chilling as you do. I was comfortably wrapped in his arms and ting when the film ended and he was like ‘What do you want to do then?’
Man the way he was looking at me! I could tell that wanted to make out buy my shy, introverted ass wouldn’t let me so I simply told him to put on another dvd lmao.
Can you imagine if I had just plucked up the courage to hop on his dick?!
Or maybe straddle him at the very least.
Voldermort would have been my first and upon reflection I think I would be okay with that.
Now it’s some lucky strangers opportunity instead!
Before I get to just how much of a virgin I am, below is what I would like to describe as my ‘Terms & Conditions’ on ideally how I would like to lose my virginity.
- I do NOT want to lose my virginity in a relationship
- I want to lose it before my 21st Birthday
- Prefer to have my first time with a randomer from a great drunken night out (consenting obviously) than a Tinder date
- Would like the guy to be 3-4 years older than me (I have never been attracted to guys my age)
- I am hoping to build up a little black book of guys who have scratch me whenever I have an itch (if ya know what I mean)
Now we get to the juicy part!
How much of a virgin your girl is!!!
Some of these revelations may be a little much TMI and graphic but I have never been one to hold back anything when it comes to my lack of sexual experience (unless you are one of my friends who get boned on the regular).
So without further ado, here is confession number one.
YOUR GIRL HAS NEVER HAD AN ORGASM OR MASTURBATED
I know what you are thinking and lord you don’t need to tell me twice that I am missing out.
How am I supposed to know what I like if I have never given the ole bean a flick.
It’s hard to explain man but I just cant.
Believe me, I have tried! I even have a vibrator!!!
That is still in the box.
It is quite tragic that I have never experienced the big O but there is just something holding me back from doing so.
More alcohol is needed maybe ?
Some reassurance in the form of Google?
I don’t know man but what I do know is that I need to get over this little bump in the road, stop being so hesitant and just go for it!
Exploring my body is key to finding out what I like sexually and I know if I want to have great sex, I’m going to have to tell my partners what I like.
Confession number 2.
YOUR GIRL HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WITH A REAL LIFE DICK
Now I say in real life because pretty much everyone has watched porn at least once in their life and we all know that shit ain’t real.
But yeah, I just have never had any contact with a penis or took the chance which disappoints me because I know in my heart of hearts that I can suck a mean dick.
In a way it kind of makes me nervous having no experience with that part of a males anatomy because I’m going to have to learn everything on the spot.
Surely that will make it more fun though!
Confession number 3.
I DIDN’T HAVE MY FIRST KISS UNTIL I WAS 18
Not only was I a virgin but for these longest time I was also a kiss virgin.
My first kiss was with Voldermort.
I feel terrible when I think about it because I know for a fact it was probably the worst kiss he has ever had (laughs evilly). I puckered my lips like a grandma and just went for it, honestly my lips were squeezed together so tightly I think they made a sound like a helium balloon.
I would like to think I got better as the relationship progressed but due to the fact that it never left the early stages this is highly unlikely, we never really kissed enough.
Now you may not think that the age isn’t bad but the worst thing is I haven’t kissed any one since (so for two and half years) and my one of biggest fears is being a shit kisser because it is so important in a relationship.
You only really get better with practice, I believe when it comes to kissing so my hope is that with the more I go out and the more I just hit it off with people that I can get some practice in 😉
Finally confession number 4.
I GET (OR USED TO) INSANELY JEALOUS WHEN I FIND OUT PEOPLE HAVE HAD SEX BEFORE ME
Sounds childish I know but I just get this sinking feeling in my stomach whenever I find out that someone I know isn’t a virgin, I’m genuinely half laughing as I write this because it’s so petty and embarrassing but oh my god you should see my face when someone tells me or just causally drops that their ting stopped over theirs last night.
The worst bout of jealously that I ever experienced was when my sister told me that she lost her virginity.
Oh my god, that crippled me.
I was crushed because she is younger than me and I always thought it would be me losing it first, it would be me who got to share the awkward and funny details but I guess not? I don’t react as bad now because truly it’s none of my business and I always love it when my friends and family tell of their sexscapades but it took me ages to get over it.
That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be!
I didn’t cringe and curl up into a ball nearly as much as I thought I was.
God I’m such a mess.
If you made it to the end of this post then thank you for reading!
I know this was tragic update in my virginal life so I appreciate you sticking through this
I’m going to take a little break from blogging about my virginity for a few weeks to focus on my other blog posts, I have a quite a lot of saved drafts that need tending to.
Don’t worry though! There are several events coming up in my social calendar where the opportunity may arise for me to find a potential penis partner.
I’ll be sure to update with a few chapters about those so look out for them!
Five months to go.